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Ahah, my last day of being twenty years old. What a wild ride it's been.

I want to tell you what this year has been like, but I find myself unable to fully do so.
I don't think I can explain it in a way you will understand, because I have failed to tell you what my life has been like prior to this year. I haven't really told you what I went through when my mom was alive, and I haven't really told you what I went through with my dad before we moved to the complex we live in now. I've been rather vague when talking to you. You have a gist of things that have happened to me, but you don't have the full picture.
So I don't think I can really explain what this year has been like in a way that would make perfect sense. You can't possibly understand the reasoning behind some of the decisions I made, and some of the choices I decided to walk away from.
All I can say is that during this year, in some ways, I've been at my highest point, and in many, many ways, I have been at my very lowest. To be quite honest, I'm surprised to find that I'm still here, hahaha. Shocked to be turning 21, because in November, and again in March, I was quite sure I was at the end. I was at a very scary point in my life, and even now that it's over, I feel sick thinking back on it.
It's funny to see how much things have changed in one year, how much I have changed in one year. Sometimes it seems like it's all for the better, and at other times, I feel like all I'm doing is wearing a mask, and all you see is this fake and weak impression of someone I wish I could be, but never who I really am, and nothing has changed at all.
There is some truth to both sides, I suppose. Overall, I think I have come a long way in the past year. I faced some things I thought I'd never be able to face. I'm stronger now, and here's to hoping that by the time I reach my 22^nd birthday, I will speak to you without wearing a mask; I will speak to you as myself.

I am so ready to leave 20 behind!