first and foremost i am not posting this in an attempt to receive pity or whatever which is why i have comments disabled so please do not misunderstand my intent with this entry. i'm not posting this to get a response at all--i don't want responses. i am just getting this off my chest, i guess.

i have been feeling really bad about my art for a long time now. i cannot remember the last time i finished a drawing and felt proud of it.
and then today i tried to sell some commissions through both tumblr and deviantart and got literally no response from either site even though i am in a very bad money situation right now and it just kind of made me realize
i really don't have what it takes to be an artist. i think drawing is fun but i am not a good artist and i feel like i have just been wasting my fucking time all along and i'm in school to become a professional artist and it's so pointless because people won't even buy my drawings for $15 so how the hell do i expect to make a living off of this
i just feel really stupid for ever going to school and for thinking i had the potential to make this work. i don't. despite drawing every day for years now i have improved very little and my art is clearly not desirable to others and i have completely wasted my time and energy all along.
i don't think i'm going back to school after this semester. if i do, it most likely won't be for art. i don't know what to do anymore. i'm not particularly good at anything and honestly i just feel so sad and useless right now, i can't even manage to get a fucking minimum wage job i can't manage to afford groceries i seriously just can't do anything right and i kind of just don't want to exist at all right now. i wish i had come from a normal family with a normal income so i at least could rely on my father for help with food but i don't even have that. i come from this stupid fucking impoverished druggie family and even though i have been so careful not to make the same mistakes as my parents, even though i'm sober and i'm going to college and i'm trying so damn hard, i'm still going to wind up being some poor fucker with no job and no food it's like this was my fucking fate the entire time and i just can't undo it no matter how hard i try.
i'm tired and i'm frustrated and i don't have the slightest clue what i'm supposed to do anymore. i am sad i am so truly sad