Quick doodle of Julien.
Urgh. Kind of a weird day.
Went to Mrs. Carr's house, which I always have to force myself to do because of my social problem. Like, I've been thinking that my social deal is getting better, because I've been doing some things I haven't previously been able to do (really small and stupid things, like answering the phone, but those are things that are extremely difficult for me, so it's a big deal), but I was reminded today that my anxiety is still as present as ever. tbh I didn't have fun at all at Mrs. Carr's, even though I love her to death, because I was so anxious the entire time and it was really horrible. When my anxiety gets bad, I start freaking out over every little detail of my sentences and stuff. Some of you guys are aware of this from when I talk to you through AIM; I have a tendency to retype everything I say over and over and over, so it keeps saying "xziodynex is typing..." for an eternity, because I keep backspacing and rewording what I am trying to say LOL... But it doesn't work like that in spoken conversations. Once I say something, it's already said and I can't backspace it, so I start COMPLETELY panicking over EVERY. THING. I. SAY. like "I shouldn't have said that, I should have worded that differently, I should just shut up because every time I speak I sound like a complete idiot" until it gets to the point where I completely stop talking, which is even WORSE because then there's those awful awkward silences that make me panic like CRAZY, so FUUUCK I HATE ANXIETY LOL. It makes even short visits with my friends a complete NIGHTMARE. It's been hours since then and I am still nitpicking at my sentences. God sometimes I really hate the way I am lol.
I think I should see a doctor and get put on meds before I try to go back to school, or I might
I dunno. I can't really handle my anxiety in its current state at all.
Anywayyy... I had to go to a funeral this evening, so that made the day even more strange, I guess. I didn't know the guy who died at all, but he was Audrey's friend's brother, so she felt like she needed to be there to support her friend, and I was her ride there so I had to tag along too. It was so sad, because the guy was only 19 years old and he died of a brain tumor :/ Way too young to die.
3 comments:
Sooooo cute <3
It's too bad that you didn't have a good time D: I hope your anxiety gets better some day.
And omg that's so sadddd D: poor guy
19 really is way too young to die :<
Honestly, I think it's okay that you're taking small steps to help with your anxiety. My mom would scold me for refusing to speak to people in public, but with the good friend(s) I have, I'm becoming more social.
They best thing to do is take small steps; I'm sure you'll be more prosperous in the future.
It saddens me to know he died before 21 D8 he barely had a chance at life
Also from yesterday, I was shocked to know the 70-year-old had such a BIG ASS PARTY WTF
The party was is in a big church with various types of food, singing, A CHANDELIER, AND THE LADY HAD A TIARA ON MAN WHAT THE HELL
I SURPRISED THEY DIDN'T HAVE MALE STRIPPERS OR SOMETHING
My friends saw New Moon on during the weekend, and loved it. A friend's mom is going to take us to see it again, but she said if I wore glitter she's not picking me up D8
The funniest part is that she said Robert had one small nipple and one BIG NIPPLE LOL I WANT TO SEE THAT
Why am I ranting?
D:
Myou>
Thanks<3
I hope it gets better some day too ughhh 8( I keep hoping I'll just outgrow it or something, but it doesn't look like that's going to happen.
Kairion>
Yeah I just gotta take it slow, I guess D:
MALE STRIPPERS WOULDA MADE IT MORE INTERESTING FOR SURE.
My sister mentioned the nipple thing too LOLL
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