shock

wow.
this morning, there were several police cars in front of our apartment building.
turns out there was a dead body in one of the garages.
I feel sick thinking about it. there was so much blood. the body had been in there for around a week.

the people who have the garage next to his had been noticing a strange smell, but they ignored it for a while. I can't blame them for ignoring it. I mean, there's a dumpster right next to the garages, so I probably would have dismissed the smell as garbage if I were them.
but I guess this morning the smell was completely overwhelming, and then they noticed that blood had leaked into their garage, and they were like "...what the fuck" so they called the police.

it was suicide. I can't quit thinking about how sad it was. when people talk about killing themselves, they often say something like "nobody would miss me if I were gone," and it's always bullshit, there are always people that will miss you. but this man, he was dead for over a fucking week and nobody cared enough to check on him in that span of time. even once he was found, it wasn't because someone was worried about him, it was because his neighbors thought his garage smelled funny.
all I can say is that I hope that he is able to be happy now that he is away from such a selfish world. I feel terrible that he was that alone, that everyone else was too caught up in their own lives to wonder why he was missing.

I didn't think that seeing something like that would startle me so much, but it did. it's completely different from seeing dead bodies in games or movies, or even in hospitals or at funerals. it was a really shocking thing to see. very sad, very gruesome.