I just
can't sleep.
I really miss my mom.
I wish I weren't so childish, I wish I weren't bitter toward her for leaving.
I keep thinking
that her will to live just wasn't strong enough, she just didn't like this world enough to stay,
and that's why her cancer came back so quickly and so violently.
Surely that isn't true though, surely she loved Audrey and me enough to stay, and this was all just a freak thing.
right?
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4 comments:
i've left to you a comment in an older post, but you didn't answer me :( if you want me to go away, just let me know and i won't bother you anymore.
it's natural to give a justification to disease: some think it's due to the guilt of some actions, some think about it as a punishment, other think it's their fault if somebody else gets a disease.
in truth, illness is part of nature: since we have a material existence (here in earth), then we can we be subject to illness.
if you believe in God, then you can think she is in heaven now, if you don't believe in God, instead, you can just think that now she isn't suffering anymore. and that your pain wouldn't make feel better her, but only worse. so, since you are alive, try to make efforts to do what you dream. don't let the cycle of nature stop you. I hope you will feel better soon. just never give up. :)
I apologize for not responding to your other comment immediately. I do think I made it clear in this post though that I am having a bit of a hard time right now, so I would rather have waited until I was feeling a bit better to reply. I believe I sound a bit short at the moment because of the circumstances.
I know that being sad isn't productive and wouldn't please my mother, but I think it's only natural to be upset over her death.
oh shit.. I'm sorry!I'm really really sorry. I rushed too much. It's just that I am so alone, and I thought that maybe I had disturbed you, or that maybe you didn't have noticed the old comment. I didn't want your apologies, I'm sorry: you know better than me that it wasn't your duty. I was afraid of another refuse.. I'm sorry.
About books, I'd like to contact you through ... I don't know, msn or e-mail, if you retain it's ok, but only when you'll feel like it. This time I'll wait.
I leave you with those words from a very very famous italian singer-song-writer: "...and I say that it's better that we broke up (I don't know which is the right english verb to describe when you leave the girlfriend) than to have never known you..."
I think that each person gives something to anyone else. I think your mother gave something to you. Only because you weren't on good terms, doesn't mean she didn't give something to you; often people for some happenings become unable to comunnicate their inner positive feelings to people they know. And, since you believe in God, you should remember that God's love and God's mercy are limitless, because he is God :) and loves everybody. I'd like to tell you another sentence from a famous song reguarding heaven and hell, but my comment is already too long :) see you soon.
And again sorry for my rude touch.
ps. I can even teach you italian if you want :)
pps. I'm 19 as well as you :=)
Don't worry about it. I apologize if I sounded edgy.
I'm kind of bad about checking my e-mail, but you're more than welcome to contact me that way if you want. xLightsOutx@gmail.com
I'm very very bad at learning languages, hahaha. English is the only language I know :(
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